Remembering

A few years ago a very dear friend of mine passed away. It was an incredibly difficult time for all of us who knew him, especially considering that he was the best of all of us. Talented, beautiful, kind, wonderful in every way.

When you lose someone like that, those who remain forever young, it makes you re-evaluate a lot of things in your life. How much should I be trying to achieve? Am I wasting my life? What can I change in my daily functioning in order to ensure that his death was not in vain?
....

I've been thinking about my friend a lot these past few weeks.

In that space between here and somewhere else, where his soul or memory or whatever you want to call it is drifting about and watching over all of us, what does he think of the choices I have made?

When I'm sitting on the beaches of Bali sipping my umpteenth Bintang and planning what to wear for that night's dancing and debauchery, it's hard not to think he might be disappointed. It's hard not to think that maybe I'm wasting my time; maybe I should be doing something far more productive and meaningful with my days here.

Then, one night, I had a moment.

With a group of friends, we headed to a local bar/club - a classy house away from the beach that opens up on Friday nights for drinks and dancing.

As I sat on plush cushions surrounded by smiling healthy bodies, weaving my body this way and that to try and catch an occasional whisper of fresh air blown by the fans in the corners of the room, I noticed how happy everyone there was.

Every face shining with the knowledge that they were living the good life. That every moment of their day was filled with pleasure and fun and doing the things that they LOVED.

Surfing. Swimming.
Playing. Dancing.
Spending time with old friends, making new ones.
Grabbing the boards and heading out to discover a new surf break.
Catching a wave and knowing the sheer exhilaration that only the power of water and wind can give you.

Joy. Pleasure.

Even if it isn't the most refined, the most analytical or questioning manner of living, maybe that's ok.

Maybe sometimes a full life is the one that is the most enjoyed....end of story.

If that's the case, then the people here are living the fullest life I have ever seen.

So my dearest Laurent, wherever you are, I hope you can look on me and this life I am leading and still be proud. Because this is the life that I love.

This is a life worth living.

Tu me manques, mon ami.